Overheard on the Goldman Sachs Elevator

onthestrength:

“An anonymous career banker inside Goldman Sachs opened a twitter account (@GSElevator) with the intention of revealing the hilarious banter that takes place in the privacy of the GS elevators.”

OTS: I prefer the original OTS quotes. 

Some faves:

#1: Can we please stop calling them ‘hipsters’ and go back to calling them ‘pussies?’

#1: A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherfucker.

#1: If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying… because if you’re good at lying, you’re good at everything.

#1: Blacking out is just your brain clearing its browser history.

#1: Hermes ties are like Jordans for white people.

#1: Living my life is like playing Call of Duty on Easy. I just go around and fuck shit up.

#1: Sober girls are the worst. So are really drunk ones… The sweet spot is 4 white wines and a Zanny.

#1: I never give money to homeless people. I can’t reward failure in good conscience.

#1: Fuck that. When I was an analyst, I had to eat an entire ‘wasabi roll’. What we called team building, you faggots call bullying.

#1: Two weeks of family time. I’m ready for a FBT to let some bad out. 
#2: FBT? 
#1: Fake Business Trip. (I’m looking at my HK cats…you know who you are.)

#1: When it doesn’t matter how much the drinks cost, it’s always happy hour.

#1: Obama’s gone golfing 90 times in less than 3 years as president. That’s about three months of golf.

#1: Almost time for children to learn a valuable life lesson. Santa loves rich kids more.

#1: Fact. Nearly 50% of all American workers have less than $10k saved for retirement. 
#2: Fuck. That wouldn’t cover a ski weekend.

#1: I asked him what his life goal is, and he said “to make the obituary in The Economist.” 
#2: Great answer. Hired.

#1: From my experience, most people really should have lower self-esteem.

#1: Let’s get one thing straight. Mark Zuckerberg is a fucking loser.

#1: Getting laid off from Goldman is like being traded by the Yankees. You’ll probably still make millions, but it’s just not the same.

Source: onthestrength

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    this is what the voice in my head sounds like
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